Stop the Presses: Week of 2/15/09 & 2/22/09

Open Source Sex 2/26/09: Violet Blue gives us the history of the California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control's crusade against gay clubs and shows her support for the most recent victim of their persection, San Francisco's DNA Lounge.

The New Pornographers (Slate): A teenage girl takes a naked photo of herself on her cellphone and sends it to her friend. She is charged with producing and distributing child pornography and spends the rest of her life on a sexual offenders database, her own predator and victim. Slate explores how normal teenage sexual exploration is colliding with sex crime laws in this digital era.

Savage Love, 2/19/09: Dan answers questions posed by college students on his lecture tour. Q: "If she hasn't orgasmed yet, will she ever?" A: "Yes, but probably with someone else." Other topics include open relationships, anal sex, sexphobic "experts", defining sex terms and three-ways. And just when did Dan realize he was a lesbian tranny?

Savage Love, 2/26/09: True or false, if four straight guys sitting next to each other on a ski lift it's going to end in a gay orgy? Plus, some feedback to Dan's polyamory comments from two weeks ago.

Control Tower 2/26/09: Mistress Matisse's bi-weekly column is always good, but this week its especially hot!

Podcast Round-up: Weeks of 2/15/08 & 2/22/09

Savage Lovecast, ep. 122: Thanks to abstenience-only education our daughters are getting butt fucked by straight guys and having kids with fags, according to Dan. One caller is so, so sad because he has an enormous cock and his friends make fun of him. Alcohol is a key player in a poly drama. And a lesbian takes offense. A lot of offense.

Savage Lovecast, ep. 123: A girl wonders if she should move in after three years, another wonders why she's never felt any kind of sexual pleasure, even from masturbating, a gay couple asks for an argument arbitration, a soon-to-be divorcee won asks what she should tell her three-year-old about her gay husband, and one of the Tech Savvy At Risk Youth finally gets to talk on the air.

Ropecast 2/22/08: It's Gray Dancer's fortieth birthday and the spanking is delivered, on the air, by Lolita Wolf, the leather yenta. Gray also tells us what kinds of ropes he prefers, reviews different kinds of nipple clamps and gives us the news from this year's Dark Odyssey S&M conference.

The Mistress's Podcast 2/17/09: Matisse and Monk take a week off from kinky sex to discuss fashion. Does Monk prefer single- or double-breasted suits? Does Matisse prefer to dress like Siouxsie Sioux or Catherine Deneuve? And just what should the smart set wear to Seattle kink events this season? News flash, everyone: kinky people are sometimes a little anal about details!

Don't Divorce Us!

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Porn Musical, Anyone?

PG PORN: Squeal Happy Whores

This is absolutely hilarious! It's relatively safe for work -- there's no nudity but you'd want to use headphones.

Sex Ed on Stage: Peg-Ass-Us

On Friday night I made the trek two whole subway stops into Brooklyn (hey, that's impressive for a Queens resident like me!) to see a fascinating show conceived, written and performed by John Leo and Sophie Nimmannit. I sat next to them at the Susie Bright event I blogged about earlier this week and when they handed me a pink flier with a picture of a dildo and told me they were doing a show about pegging I knew I had to see it. Even if it meant I had to brave the horrors of the L train.

If you're not familiar, "pegging" is when a woman has anal sex with a man using a strap-on dildo. Some people do it to feminize the man, to switch up gender roles or because they find it humiliating and get off on that, but the main reason to do it is it stimulates the prostate which feels GREAT. The term was coined a few years ago by Savage Love readers (relive those memories here and here).

John and Sophie, a real life couple, use puppetry, song, dance, nudity and yoga to tell the world just how much they love to peg and to overcome the preconception that the butt isn't someplace that heteros go, a ludicrous idea which many straight men use to cock block themselves. They frame the whole wild production with a silly story in which uptight John is embarrassed to out himself as an analphile and needs the audience to take pegging seriously, which puts him at odds with Sophie's no-holds-barred joy at the sheer slutty gender-bendy-ness of it all. (But don't worry, they're only pretend fighting.) As you can see in the demo video I posted above they even invite audience members on stage to demonstrate pegging through puppetry. I volunteered and got to be the lower sphincter. It was totally worth getting soaked with a squirt gun representing the lube.

It isn't all fun and games. It can actually get kinda heavy. At one point John talks about how his brother's suicide -- probably because he was gay -- made John break up with his fiancée so he could find a partner who would let him include his fantasies of anal play in their relationship.

Unfortunately the show closed this weekend. But John and Sophie told me afterward that they intended to bring it back so I encourage you to check their website regularly for information on Peg-Ass-Us and all of their sex-positive shows. And they're looking to take the show on the road so if you don't live in NYC and you'd like to see Peg-Ass-Us in the theater near you, contact them!

The Vault - Choke

Choke (2008)
directed & written by Clark Gregg
based on a novel by Chuck Palaniuk
starring: Sam Rockwell, Anjelica Huston

At one point in the film Choke the hero, in search of an adventurous sexual experience, meets a stranger on a sex website similar to Adult Friend Finder who wants him to participate in a fantasy rape scenario. This young lady gives him a very particular script to follow -- what to do, what to say, how to disguise himself, how to threaten her with a very particular knife. She insists he "rape" her on a towel on the floor for fear of staining the bedsheets. She threatens him with legal consequences if he deviates from the script. She breaks character mid-scene to criticize his performance, then rushes through everything and gets herself off with a vibrator, leaving her fantasy rapist to his own devices. The scene is a brilliant and hilarious commentary on the yawning gulf that sometimes exists between the sexual fantasy and reality. If only the rest of the movie were so good....

The film is based on a novel by Chuck Palaniuk. I haven't read the novel in question (nor do I intend to now) but I'm familiar enough with the author's work that his M.O. is pretty clear -- Palaniuk likes to create protagonists that are alienated from "normal" society because of a fundamentally different world view, then tell their story with as many plot twists as possible. This technique made him famous because his first novel, Fight Club, tapped into a primal truth, the frustration a lot of young men feel because modern society doesn't let them express their aggressive side anymore. He isn't always so lucky -- his protagonists since Tyler Durden have been crafted mainly for shock value. In Choke, Palaniuk's chock value comes from a sensationalized cast of "sex addicts."

To start out, there are some real problems with the whole concept of sex addiction -- scientists can't agree on a definition and a lot of them don't think it exists at all. There's a question of terminology to begin with: an addiction is usually a psychological need for an outside substance (drugs, alcohol) whereas the need to continuously and joylessly engage in sexual activity is more accurately called a compulson. So why not call sex addiction "sex compulsion"? Because addiction is such a loaded word in our society and the term is mostly used by people who like its unsavory sound. Say addiction to the average American and they imagine degererate junkies, gamblers, alcoholics, over-eaters... and fornicators. The concept of "sex addiction" has been widely popularized by conservative religious organizations that are happy to usher deeply repressed men into quack addiction support groups that reinforce their guilt over masturbating to porn twice weekly. Using the word addiction plays into sex-negative stereotypes.

Choke writer/director Clark Gregg definitely isn't trying to avoid stereotypes. Victor, the film's protagonist, comes out and tells us all the clichés are true at the beginning of the film. His support group includes the guy who masturbates fifteen times a day and the cheerleader who banged the whole football team. But even beyond filmmaker's clear desire to present compulsive sex in the most unrealistic light possible there's the fact that Victor isn't really a sex addict at all. He tells us he has sex every three days, which I think you'll agree is not an unusual amount. He only has casual sex and though he has multiple partners most seem to be people he knows from every day life, as opposed to anonymous encounters, and at least one is an ongoing arrangement. Finally, the sex itself isn't what's makes Victor unhappy -- what makes him unhappy is a deeply messed up relationship with his mother that prevents him from liking the people he fucks and vice versa.

So, to review, the film purposefully buys into a sensational and cliché image of sex "addiction" and then fails to even present that accurately. I'm kinda speechless. As for the rest of the film, the jokes aren't that funny and, much like the fantasy rape victim, the director rushes through the Palaniuk plot twists (TM) so that the viewer hardly feels surprised to learn Victor is a clone of Jesus, and that the doctor treating his mother is actually a mental patient. My recommendation: rent a different movie.

...or maybe just watch the fantasy rape!

Podcast Round-Up: Week of 2/15/09

A little behind on podcasts but there were some good ones last week so here goes...

Savage Lovecast, ep. 121: In a special Valentine's Day episode, Dan talks to Wayne Bensen from Truth Wins Out about the lie of Christian "ex-gay" programs. And the Tech Savvy At Risk Youths' dreadlocks aren't getting any cleaner.

Sex Is Fun, ep. 162: Kidder, Laura, Coochie and Rick interview body waxer John Zeches after he removes all of the hair from Kidder's body. (I might have interviewed him before I got the full body treatment, but that's why Kidder is Kidder.)

Poly Weekly, ep. 192: Minx interviews BDSM and queer activist Clarisse Thorn about Sex +++, a pro-gay, pro-kink, pro-poly series of documentary screenings organized by Thorn in Chicago.

(re) Introduction: A History of the Blog Formerly Known As "The Sex Geek"

About five months ago I decided that I was so fascinated by sex that I wanted to write a blog about it. But unlike most sex blogs I didn't want to write about my own sex life. Don't get me wrong, it's AWESOME. But some remaining inhibition or need for privacy made me decide it's none of your business. No, this would be a blog for people who shared my interest in sex in general.

I've always seriously geeked out about books, movies, plays, music, websites, podcasts, etc., that talked about sex in a positive, fun and informative way and I wanted my blog to be about that stuff, posted for you as I find it. It was going to be a resource for people like you and me that enthuse about sex the way that other people enthuse about Spider-Man, Star Wars or Dungeons & Dragons.

I came up with two possible names for this blog, very similar ones: "The Sex Geek" and "Geeky Sex". I preferred the second one. I thought the first one sounded a bit creepy -- it can conjure a picture of a greasy, bespectacled individual adept in one-handed web surfing (if you know what I mean) -- whereas the second just sounds like good clean fun. Also, there were a few sex bloggers who called themselves Sex Geek (my favorite is here) and there were no active blogs called Geeky Sex. But, alas, some wretched soul had already created a blog called Geeky Sex, posted once in 2006 and abandoned it, making the address unavailable. So, the decision made for me, I set up shop at http://thesexgeek.blogspot.com.

It's always bugged me a little so when I noticed that (A) that wretched soul had finally erased their abandoned blog, and (B) a bunch of my readers seemed to have wondered away during my inactive period, I decided it was a good time to relaunch the blog! Welcome to Geeky Sex!

As I have time I'm going to repost the old entries back dated so we can all imagine it's been one continuous blog. Until then, please visit The Sex Geek for all my old entries.

Mind Control?

I must have missed this a few months ago and I definitely wanted to post it now in case you did too. Apparently somebody has invented a brain implant that can improve orgasms and it has been used to turn a woman with a low sex drive into, well, a slut. Follow the link to read the (somewhat sensationalist) article in The Guardian. I'm not sure how to feel about this, so I'd like to invite comment.

Susie Bright at Babeland SoHo

Susie Bright, a sex-positive crusader since the 1980s through her work as a writer, editor, podcaster and film consultant, is in New York this week. A few dozen lucky people including yours truly got to see a wonderful talk she gave tonight at Babeland in SoHo. She was technically there plugging a new and absolutely gorgeously printed collection of erotica called X: The Erotic Treasury but her subject for the evening was a bit more personal -- a stroll down memory lane as she prepares to write her memoirs. Susie was energetic and full of laughs, an absolutely fantastic speaker.

Susie was full of fascinating stories about being a teen in the free lovin' Hollywood of the 1970s after a comparatively conservative childhood in Edmonton, Alberta. Two stories dominated the evening. She told how she lost her virginity at age 16 in a threesome with her best friend and then out-of-work actor Richard Hatch, who would go on to play Captain Apollo on the original Battlestar Galactica (and Tom Zerrick on the new one). Hatch was resistant because he was older than the two girls but after months of mockery Susie and her friend finally had their way with him. She also spoke at length about her stint as the sex advisor on Wachowski Brothers' second film Bound, with some very interesting stories of how she and the Wachowskis worked together to get Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon's sex scene just right.

Besides Susie I got to meet a few other interesting people tonight. Erotica writer/editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, who is second only to Susie in the field, was there, as were John and Sophie, the creators and stars of Peg-Ass-Us, a musical about pegging that won Best Comedy at the 2008 San Francisco Fringe Festival and which is in town for the weekend at The Brick Theater.

If you missed Susie, don't despair! She's reading on Wednesday 2/18 at Babeland in Brooklyn, and at Rachel Kramer Bussel's In the Flesh Reading Series at Happy Ending Lounge on Thursday night, along with several contributors to X.

Stop the Presses: Week of 2/9/09

Ever since the massive lay offs of sex columnists at publications nationwide, it has gotten harder to find good sex writing in the press and I've been slacking off with my "Stop the Presses" posts. Here's my rather anemic list for last week, from some of the only sex columnists who are still alive and kicking.

Savage Love 2/12/09: Dan flays a mono woman who married a swinger under false pretenses and discusses the connection (or lack thereof) between orgasm denial and prostate cancer.

Open Source Sex 2/12/09: Violet Blue discusses racist and non-racist forms of interracial porn movies.

Control Tower 2/10/09: Matisse interviews women with "fluid" sexuality.

Dollhouse

In the past couple two days I've gone a couple of times to see Joss Whedon talk about his new show, Dollhouse, which premieres on Fox this Friday. He appeared at New York Comic Con on Sunday with Tahmoh Penikett (Helo on Battlestar Galactica), who will play an FBI agent investigating on the new show, and yesterday night at the Apple Store in SoHo with Eliza Dushku (Faith on Buffy the Vampire Slayer), who plays the show's protagonist.

The premise of the show is a very specialized escort service where male and female volunteers (though some volunteer under duress) have their memories wiped and are then imprinted with a new personality and skill set so they can fulfill the fantasies of whoever pays them. These "engagements" are not always sexual but sometimes they are. Joss spoke a lot about the tight rope he's walking to explore some of the power and control issues in the show without glorifying or exploiting a kind of sci-fi human trafficking -- and also the network's reluctance to discuss the morality of prostitution. Everything he said made it sound like this new show is going to exist in a fascinating gray area that we haven't seen on his other shows, even Firefly.

Eliza Dushku also had some fascinating things to say about the show. To her it's a metaphor for the way that young women are expected to play many different roles by our society. She went a step forward and said that the show is like her life -- she's trying to figure out who she is while every day people tell her what she should be.

The show premieres this Friday at 9 PM on Fox. According to Joss it will simmer for the first five episodes and then begin to boil in episode 6. So tune in and don't stop watching until then. And look for the occasional review or discussion here.

Birth Control Control

The best selling oral contraceptive Yaz has been forced, after settling a lawsuit with 27 state attorneys general, to run advertisements correcting their earlier publicity that the drug would clear up acne and improve moods during PMS.

Sad News

The Oscar Wilde Bookshop on Christopher Street in Greenwich Village is closing due to the economic crisis. It's probably the oldest gay bookstore in America, having opened in 1967. A New York Times article gives you a little bit of the store's history, which is intertwined with the early days of the gay rights movement.