Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Recommended: Sex Is Fun Holiday Buyers' Guide

I've been a very lazy blogger recently -- and I'm just going to go with that, 'cause it's working so well for me. As long as other people have great content on their sites, my blog will seem interesting if I post a link and send you to them!

But seriously... A week or two ago, Sex Is Fun released their Holiday Buyers' Guide, an hour and a half of sex toy reviews to help you pick out the perfect gift for your loved one(s).

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Top Ten Sex Books of 2009

No need for a lazy blogger like me to make his own list: Violet Blue is all over that in her latest SF Chronicle column. It's not to late for some last minute Christmas shopping!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Maybe I *DO* Give a Shit

Leave it to Susie Bright to find something in this whole Tiger Woods thing that is actually entertaining: Tiger's fantasy of being forced to watch one of his mistresses have a threesome with Derek Jeter and David Boreanaz. Susie Bright has used this revelation as a jumping off point for a very interesting post about cuckold fantasies on her blog.

Susie Bright covers to topic pretty well but she doesn't ask what I think is the most interesting question: What made Tiger choose these two guys? I mean, if he said Brad Pitt and George Clooney that would make sense to me. Those are two people a straight guy's mind immediately jumps to when he thinks of attractive male celebrities because he's always hearing women talk about how hot they supposedly are. A man spinning out a generic cuckold fantasy of watching his partner cheat on him would be likely to pick them. But Derek Jeter and David Boreanaz? Those are two very specific choices. Tiger has put a lot of thought into that. I'm not saying this to make fun of him -- this is the first interesting thing I've heard about his entire sex life. His cuckold fantasy isn't just about watching his mistress "betray" him with whatever stud is available, it has something to do with these two particular guys too, or else why go to the trouble of being so specific?

So what could it be? I mean, neither of them are unattractive but they aren't exactly smoking hot either. It could be significant that Jeter is one of the few sports stars who approaches being as talented as Tiger himself. But Boreanaz? What's the connection? He's just a B-list TV star who plays a goofy, affable FBI agent on a foresnics procedural and a vampire (with a soul) on a cult WB fantasy show. Why did Tiger pick these two and not, say, Lance Armstrong and Nathan Fillion? Clearly there is more going on in Tiger's fantasy life than the blasé desire to cheat on his wife with nominally hot babes, which means that for the very first time I'm kind of interested in this "scandal."

Thanks, Susie Bright, you pulled me in. I finally feel included in America's new obsession.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I Wasn't Going to Mention It, But...

...after seeing one story dominating the front page of the New York Post and New York Daily News for almost a week I have a confession to make:


I would threaten to boycott those publications until they stop reporting the story but I don't think anyone would seriously believe I ever buy them in the first place.

UPDATE: As usual, Annabelle has something more interesting to say on the subject.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Sex Is Fun AIDS Show

I don't write about STIs much on this blog. That's a conscious decision. I figure that ninety percent of all frank discussion of sexuality is about the terrible diseases you can catch by having sex and I want to offer a different perspective... or, when I'm lazy, link to people who will give you a different perspective.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that there's so much information out there about some the dangers of sex and I think we should all do our best to educate ourselves and learn about those dangers. All I'm saying is that there's tons of sites that fill that niche (links to some good ones are in the right-hand column) so I can focus on good, clean, geeky fun.

But in the interest of educating yourself, I recommend that everyone go listen to last week's episode of the Sex Is Fun Podcast.

The thing about AIDS information is that it is always changing as researchers discover more things, and it can be difficult to keep track of what information is current and what information is out of date. Gay Rick, one of the hosts of Sex Is Fun, works as an HIV educator. He's up on the latest info and he shares his knowledge at length in this podcast.

Here's two things I didn't know that I learned from listening:

1. People are most likely to pass on HIV before they test positive for the infection. People are most infectious two to three weeks after exposure, when the virus has multiplied in their system but before they've started to produce antibodies. HIV tests detect antibodies, so they only become effective two to three months after first exposure.

2. There's a drug that you can take one to three days exposure that greatly cuts down your chances of being infected by HIV. Because of its side-effects and expense ($800 to $2,000 for the entire one month course) emergency rooms will usually only perscribe it if you've had unprotected sex with a person you know is infected.

If you didn't know about this (or, hell, even if you did) imagine all the other fascinating and potentially life altering things you could learn by listening. Check it out.

ALSO WORTH CHECKING OUT IN PODCASTS LAST WEEK: Mistress Matisse guest-starred on last week's Savage Lovecast. Matisse and Dan Savage are a fascinating combination and this time they float a fascinating theory about why geeks/nerds gravitate towards BDSM. If you're interested, you can listen here.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

It's Hard Being More Enlightened Than Everyone Else

A few weeks ago I had a visit from my partner Annabelle and her husband. They are a polyamorous, kinky, sex-positive, politically liberal and totally awesome couple and they have a habit of saying, "It's hard being more enlightened than everyone else."

Ninety percent of the time that's a joke but there's also some truth to it. Of course, they aren't the type who would just come out and say that their sexual choices (kinky, poly, open-minded) make them somehow more enlightened than someone who makes different choices. Nor am I. But, speaking only for myself now, sometimes it's difficult not to think it. It sounds unbelievably smug, superior and condescending to think that one is more enlightened than other people, but on the rare occasions that I start to feel that was it's usually accompanied not by smugness but by despair.

To point out a (not very personal) example, I want to mention a recent This American Life show -- the title and topic of the episode was "Infidelity" (listen here). The episode begins by talking about the Mark Sanford scandal and spins off from there into several tales about people cheating on their partners.

You might think that, as a nonmonogamous person, I'm probably a smug bastard about the fact that I've never cheated, not because I'm so high and mighty but because I've never really had to -- and you'd be right. I can be very obnoxious. I made a regrettable inappropriate joke at a party recently that drew some sharp glances. For the most part, however, I'm out of the stage that comes early in a person's polygamous life where they feel the need to proselytize for nonmonogamy. But the one time that I honestly do start to think, "It's hard being more enlightened than everyone else," is when I hear stories infidelity in supposedly monogamous relationships create such misery in so many lives. This American Life came out back in October and I decided to listen to it for this blog but it took me a month and four tries to finish it because it was so difficult to listen to stories about that kind of pain.

It depresses me so much to hear about John Edwards, Mark Sanford and Tiger Woods, not to mention This American Life or a friend of mine who just went through a break-up full of unfounded jealous accusations, that at my lowest moments I do sort of wonder why people put themselves through it again and again and never start to question the idea of monogamy. I mean, I assume it's because of that comforting feeling that your partner loves only you, that you fulfill their every need, that you complete them in every way and therefore have total control over their sexual and emotional desires. I can see how that would be attractive but isn't it totally impossible? Shouldn't people get comfortable with the fact that it's totally impossible and go from there?

I don't know, but when I hear about the wreckage infidelity leaves in so many lives I get depressed enough that I'm tempted to say yes. And I don't want to be that guy who actually thinks he's more enlightened, who actually thinks he knows what's best for everybody else. Those people are almost invariably so far behind they think they're first, and I don't want that to be me. Sometimes it's just kind of depressing...