Bi Lines - Celebrating Bisexual Writers

Last night the Bi Writers Association hosted their second annual reading by bisexual authors to coincide with the Lambda Literary Awards (Lammies). Since it is a requirement of all bisexual events that the name has to be a pun, last night's reading was called Bi Lines: A Celebration of Bisexual Writing in Reading, Music and Theater. Sheela Lambert was the master of ceremonies.

There was a wide range of subject matter, including a readings by Edmund White from his new book about Arthur Rimbaud and Jenny Block from Open (reviewed here), musical performances by Rorie Kelly and Rob Barton, a slideshow of artwork from Christy Road's graphic novel Bad Habits, a bisexual Jane Austen parody by Ann Herendeen, memoirs by Bobbie Geary and Honor Moore, and Ron Suresha's thoughts on the sixtieth anniversary of the Kinsey Report. Rachel Kramer Bussel was there too (not really a surprise, she shows up everywhere) with a reading from a soon-to-be-published story about a girl getting off to her boyfriend's tale of his lust for his college roommate. The story was freakin' hot. It was nearly open insurrection in the room when the organizers cut this story short for time.

I think most people would probably agree the evening's highlight was an excerpt from Erika Kate MacDonald's one-woman show Fluid, which is about her sexuality. With the help of some hilarious visual aids Erika postulated a mathematical theorem to explain how gay a bi person is, which involved a stunning array of variables and calculations that would have boggled Isaac Newton's mind. Though the formula clearly proved she was 90 percent gay (ironically, in case you're wondering) Erika also told the story of how she fell for a guy at age 25 and had to explain to him that she'd never slept with a man before.

All in all it was a fantastic evening. I don't go to many bisexual events. I'm not bisexual (so far, but I am experimental so anything could happen) and a straight guy's motives for showing up at a bi event are rightly suspect -- so I always feel a bit like I'm the riff-raff they're trying to keep out! Last night was more a gathering of writers and I definitely felt at home in that crowd. I was very impressed with the variety of the works which transcended a narrow topic and offered a lot of insight on everything from gender roles to bi eroticism to history; and showcased the work of some very talented people.

IML Leather Market

I spent last weekend visiting my partner Annabelle and her fiancé R. in Chicago and had a wonderful time. Last weekend in Chicago is what has been referred to a "Kinky Christmas" because both Shibari Con and International Mr. Leather are happening simultaneously. Unfortunately I didn't get to go to the first one (maybe next year) but I did spend a wonderful afternoon at the IML Leather Market which Annabelle tells me is the largest sale of kinky products in the world.

Imagine a hotel convention room full of nothing but BDSM paraphinalia -- floggers, ropes, S&M porn, hot clothing made of leather and rubber and vinyl, elaborate whipping posts, dudes getting laced up in leather body bags or trying on straitjackets -- and a whole bunch of gay men wondering around in fetish gear shopping. And then, just when you think you've been through it all you discover there's another convention room the same size with even more stuff. I woke up really early to catch my plane out there so it might have just been sleep deprivation but I was overwhelmed. I went there planning to splurge and buy some stuff but there was just so much selection I found myself making mental notes of what I might want to come back for -- and then forgetting! It was a bit like being a kid and suddenly being turned loose in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Where do you start? I did get a wooden paddle and pair of SAP gloves, basic items that I've been looking for, so it wasn't a total loss. I also tried on a vest from North Bound Leather that I really liked and found a flogger I was particularly fond of at Mr. S (couldn't find a picture or link, unfortunately). So I definitely have an idea for a souvenir I'd like to buy on my next trips to Toronto and San Francisco.

As an added bonus I ran into and got to briefly talk to Cunning Minx from the Poly Weekly podcast but didn't get to talk to her too much. Annabelle and R. know her so much better than I do that I barely have anything to add when they're together! Dan Savage was also at the Leather Market that day but I didn't see him (Annabelle might have). He wrote a great article on Slog about IML that drives home one of the reasons it's so great.

Speaking of Annabelle and R., take a moment to read Annabelle's newest article at Sexgenderbody which is about why a poly person such as her would possibly want to get married.

Prop 8 Opposition Crosses Partisan Lines?

This morning the New York Times has a very interesting article symbolizing the way that the fight for gay marriage is now crossing partisan lines.

BUSH V. GORE FOES JOIN TO FIGHT GAY MARRIAGE BAN

SAN FRANCISCO — The David and Ted show is back in business.

Eight and a half years after their epic partisan battle over the fate of the 2000 presidential election, the lawyers David Boies and Theodore B. Olson appeared on the same team on Wednesday as co-counsel in a federal lawsuit that has nothing to do with hanging chads, butterfly ballots or Electoral College votes.

Their mutual goal: overturning Proposition 8, California’s freshly affirmed ban on same-sex marriage. It is a fight that jolted many gay rights advocates — and irritated more than a few — but that Mr. Boies and Mr. Olson said was important enough to, temporarily at least, set aside their political differences.

“Ted and I, as everybody knows, have been on different sides in court on a couple of issues,” said Mr. Boies, who represented Al Gore in Bush v. Gore, the contested 2000 vote count in Florida in which Mr. Olson prevailed for George W. Bush. “But this is not something that is a partisan issue. This is something that is a civil rights issue.”

I grew up around a fair number of Republicans and I understand that party's pre-Bush philosophy. While I think their individualist policies can be a tad heartless at times they hold some appeal for me. What I never got was why so many Republicans got so bent out of shape about what other people decided to do in their sex life, since that opposition seemed at odds with their fierce support of self-determination and a person's right to live their life without interference from the government. Now that the GOP has fallen on hard times I'm overjoyed to see some Republicans are reexamining their hypocrisy.

However, not everyone is so happy by this indication that Republicans are pulling their heads out of their asses. A lot of people who have been fighting the battle for gay marriage a lot longer than these two seem to think they're a couple of ambitious glory hounds trying to argue another major case before the Supreme Court and are on the verge of a colossel blunder that their more experienced comrades have been avoiding. A bit further down in the article you'll read:

Not everyone in the gay rights movement, however, was thrilled by the sudden intervention of the two limelight-grabbing but otherwise untested players in the bruising battle over Proposition 8. Some expressed confusion at the men’s motives and outright annoyance at the possibility that a loss before the Supreme Court could spoil the chances of future lawsuits on behalf of same-sex marriage.

“It’s not something that didn’t occur to us,” Matt Coles, the director of the LGBT project at the American Civil Liberties Union, said of filing a federal lawsuit. “Federal court? Wow. Never thought of that.” (...)

“We think its risky and premature,” said Jennifer C. Pizer, marriage project director for Lambda Legal in Los Angeles, adding that a loss at the Supreme Court level could take decades to undo.

The ACLU and Lambda Legal are probably two of the largest players in the fight for marriage equality and their opposition is not a good sign. I admit when I read that I had a paranoid thought -- what if this isn't two celebrity lawyer hogging the limelight. What if it's deliberate sabotage? Are Republicans that smart?

Sad News, Fellow Geeks: Prop 8 Upheld

Today the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8, the ban on gay marriage that passed Election Day. Prop 8 was one of the few dark clouds of last November’s election. The Yes on Prop 8 campaign consisted largely of Mormons from Utah using disinformation of interfere in California politics despite the fact that getting involved in politics violates their tax exempt religious organization status and the fact that their own members have been persecuted over marriage. By spreading a lot of crazy rumors (like their claim that if Prop 8 wasn’t passed kids would be required to learn all about gay sex in kindergarten, no matter what their parents’ wishes) and, to a certain extent, preying on the homophobia of the huge black electorate that turned out toe elect Barack Obama, Mormons and other bigoted gay marriage opponents managed to pass the law.

Opponents sued on the basis that denying one minority the right to get married when everybody else can is clearly against the law. Well, apparently the Supreme Court didn’t feel like wading into civil rights issues because they upheld the ban. They did give the gay community a tiny consolation prize: the 18,000 gay couples married in California before the ban took effect will remain legally married. We can only hope the fact that so many gay people can be happily married without undermining straight marriage will change a few minds in 2010. If you look at the statistics, gay marriage has been gaining ground almost everywhere, California included, as people get over their initial knee-jerk reaction.

Closer to home (for me at least) the debate of whether gay marriage should be legalized continues. Today, the state comptroller issued a report that states the economy of the State of New York would benefit greatly from gay weddings. Something to the tune of $210 million would be pumped into the economy in the next three years by gay couples getting hitched, the government estimates. Considering how hard California has been hit by the financial crisis, maybe they should reconsider…

Stop the Presses: Late May 2009

Open Source Sex 5/7/09 (SF Chronicle): Violet Blue interviews pornstar Sasha Grey, star of the upcoming non-pornographic Steven Soderbergh film The Girlfriend Experience.

Open Source Sex 5/14/09 (SF Chronicle): Violet Blue interviews the founder of Carnal San Francisco, a new website with sex-positive material and comprehensive listings of San Francisco sex events.

Savage Love 5/21/09 (The Stranger): Dan Savage lets a bar full of drunk Slog readers answer letters for him this week, with hilarious results. Thus it is once and for all proven that you should ignore the opinion of anyone who comments on Slog.

Control Tower 5/19/09 (The Stranger): Mistress Matisse interviews sex workers who service couples.

Kink Reality vs. Kink Fantasy: Annabelle River reflects on the role of fantasy in making kinky sex hot.

In the Flesh 5/21/09

Last night found me and one of my friends on the Lower East Side of Manhattan in a bar named, quite appropriately, Happy Ending. The occasion was Rachel Kramer Bussel's monthly In the Flesh reading, where writers of erotica and other sexy writing come together to read their work. Bussel, a prolific erotica writer who also edits Penthouse Variations and numerous books such as Spanked and the Best Sex Writing anthology, has been hosting this event for several years and it's apparently a great success. The bar was standing room only.

The first reader was Anna David. She read from Bought, her second novel, about a naïve journalist who is investigating the world of high-end LA escorts. The scene we got to hear was about the journalist meeting a call girl she is destined to befriend and being shocked by the tale of her relationship with a powerful, married film producer.

Robin Glasser read next from her book My Life as a Concubine. This turned out to be a rather Henry Miller-like book, a memoir of the author's bohemian life in Paris. In the section we were lucky enough to hear, the author's hot sex with her boyfriend is made even hotter because he is arguing with his visiting brother through the closed door -- a "verbal ménage à trois."

Mara Altman graced us with an excerpt from The Quest for My Orgasm, a sex scene described in some of the funniest, wittiest terms I've ever heard. Altman was particularly good at capturing the humor in sex, one of the most delicious parts of the whole experience and one of the most often ignored.

After the break Craig Yoe graced us with a slide show from his book Secret Identity, about Superman creator Joe Shuster's second career illustrating kinky pulp stories. I read and reviewed Secret Identity a few months ago. Yoe's goofy sense of humor doesn't come across in the book, so I was happy to see him read in real life.

Jeremy Edwards read next from Oysters and Chocolate, a story about a man whose fantasies about a coworker who doesn't know he exists finally come true.

The last reader Suzanne Guillett read an untitled memoir of "a very memorable summer that happened a few years back." Recently engaged and on a month-long writer's retreat in Prague, the author joined a gym and studied boxing with a Czech man. The piece is the story of how she fell in love with him through boxing lessons, the only kind of touch their situation allowed.

If you're not lucky enough to live in New York and can't attend the readings yourself, never fear: RKB posts video clips of the readings on You Tube. As of this writing the videos from last night aren't up yet but there's a wide variety of other videos there, so eat your heart out.

Annabelle River

This is a long overdue post to let everyone know that my partner Annabelle River has been writing some fantastic articles for the newly launched website Sexgenderbody.

So far her articles have been about finding your local BDSM scene, puppy play, the lack of good polyamorus writers and the important distinction between reality and fantasy in BDSM.

Needless to say I'm extremely proud of her for doing such wonderful work right out of the gate -- a sure sign of more great things to come, without a doubt.

Sex in the Media

Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable

Susie Bright reposted this Onion video on her blog about a month ago. I missed it. Fortunately that's why I have friends who send me stuff! Not safe for work for five seconds at the beginning, then fine with headphones.

Geeky Sex Material: What Gets Posted and What Doesn't

A friend of mine recently sent me an article she thought I’d want to post on this blog. It was a review of the book by Laura Sessions Stepp called Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both. My friend thought I might want to review the book or link to the article in a "Stop the Presses" post. I explained to my friend that wasn’t the kind of thing I post about on this blog. Then I tried to express what my criteria are for something deserving a link or a review on this blog but all I could come up with was the phrase Supreme Court justice Potter Stewart used to define porn: “I know it when I see it.”

So today I’m going to get to the bottom of what is Geeky Sex blog material and what isn’t. First of all I do know it when I see it. I can instantly tell if something belongs here or not. I started this blog to be a resource for people who approached sex in a geeky way—that is to say, people who are open-minded, curious and enthusiastic about this subject. All too often when people talk about sex they focus on its negative aspects. Christian evangelicals tell you you’ll burn in hell and the nice people who work at Planned Parenthood (bless each and every one of them) can't come back with anything better than alarming facts and statistics about unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, date rape and abortion. One side says “Sex is a sin!” and the other side yells, “No, it’s not, it’s just a disease!”

The sex geeks out there—the people who are approaching this subject from the perspective that “sex is nice and pleasure is good for you,” as the authors of The Ethical Slut are fond of saying—are fighting a lonely battle. This blog was intended to help them out by helping people find them. I don’t presume to pass myself off as an authority on this subject. I’m just like the people who are (hopefully) reading this blog: I look hard for positive and fun sex information and I like to share it when I find it. Some people will object that sex really does have negative consequences and I’m being irresponsible by not acknowledging them more. Well, everybody and their uncle, and their uncle’s Christian Taliban son are out there "acknowledging" the negative consequences of sex as loud as they possibly can, so I’ll just take that for rote and focus on something positive, if it’s all the same.

Why would I never review a book called Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both? Because, upon perusal of the review my friend sent me (and yes, I read articles that I don’t turn around and repost here, probably around 70 percent of the articles I read are disappointing enough that I never share them), I detect that the author might be writing from a sex-negative bias. The book is about a trend that the author perceives in which young women in college are less interested in long term relationships and more concerned with “hook-ups”—by which the author means short-term casual relationships without the expectation of love. An honest researcher would need to substantiate that this trend actually exists. The fact that young women today are more open about sex and more willing to admit that they are interested in sex without love doesn't mean their behavior has changed from previous generations. The honest researcher would then need to examine the trend without bias. Is it possibly a good thing that women in the 18-22 age range are postponing serious relationships to focus on their educations and careers? Could their negative feelings about love be a result of being disabused of the unrealistic expectations our society instills in young women? Years of research would be needed to answer these questions. It’s much easier to title your book Unhooked, implying your feeling that the behavior of these young women is not sane, then follow it up with How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Fail at Both, implying the young women of previous generations were totally successful at love and sex but because of this new lifestyle they have begun to fail. It may have no basis in reality but that’s a recipe for selling a million copies in supermarket check-out lanes across America.

It’s also a recipe for never getting mentioned on the Geeky Sex blog (on any day but today). Why don’t I simply read the book and review it badly? Because I don't get paid for this and I have better things to do with my time than read a book that I know I’m going to hate just so I can tell my blog’s small audience how much I hate it. I know, it’s a time honored tradition for bloggers to do that. I’m untraditional. Also—and this is more the point of the post—you don’t need my help to find a negative book about sex. Pick one at random, and the odds are in your favor. I don’t have time to read every negative book about sex. Sadly, I might have time to read every positive book about sex, ’cause there just aren’t that many of them.

So, by all means, continue to send me articles. I find them fascinating (including the one about this book that my friend sent me). But when it comes to Geeky Sex material—I know it when I see it.

Gay Marriage Passes NY State Assembly

I feel proud today. My home state just took the first step towards marriage equality and even a few Republicans backed the law. The measure, which just passed in the State Assembly, was initiated by the governor so his support is certain but there is going to be stiff resistance in the State Senate.

Read all about it in the New York Times.